About the author.


Portrait of the author as a young ham.

Witney Seibold was taken to see “Raiders of the Lost Ark” when he was three years old. His mother still tells an amusing story about how, when he suddenly saw Alfred Molina with a spear sticking out of his forehead, threw the popcorn he was holding into the air. He dutifully spent the rest of the film on the floor of the theater picking up every single piece he dropped, too scared to watch anymore.

When he was 18, Witney finagled his way into the offices of his college newspaper, The Puget Sound Trail, and convinced the paper’s head ediotr to let him write a long series of snotty, cultish film reviews. He managed to hold onto the gig for two years, and never once paid attention to length requirements, regularly turning in reviews that would take up entire pages. Witney’s first review written for The Puget Sound Trail was a review of “I Know what You Did Last Summer.”

Witney’s first published gig was for local California paper The Santa Monica Mirror. While he wrote, edited, and submittednumerous reviews for this paper, only one was ever published. It was a review for “Lake Placid.”

From 2002 to 2006, Witney wrote long (450-words) and short (under 100 words) reviews for a valley-based newspaper called NoHo>LA (later Metro>LA, later defunct). He was so beloved by the paper’s editors, that he was eventually raised to the level of film-section editor. Many of the pre-2005 reviews you find on this very site were originally published in the film section of NoHo>LA.

Many newspaper film critics have been losing their jobs lately, and the bulk of film reviews are to be found on personal websites, and teenagers’ ‘blogs. Witney, a one-time accredited professional, and snotty esoteric film buff, has felt a need to bring a level of professionalism to the online community of know-it-all amateur film reviewers. Has he been at all successful? Well, I guess that’s for you to decide.

Published on May 10, 2007 at 10:01 pm  Comments (9)  

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9 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Witney:

    Glad to see you’re continuing with the reviews even in this post-Metro>LA age. Are you getting published elsewhere? Hope so.

    Are you still at the Nuart?

    Drop me a line.

    Mike Malloy

  2. Hey Witney, I stumbeled upon your blog by chance and think your a very good writer! I have my own blog entertainmenttodayandbeyond.com Shoot me an email back. I would like to ask you a few question! Keep up the good work!


  3. Dear Mr. Seibold,

    I recently came across your list of the top ten worst films of all time, and was saddened to see “Ascension” on the list. The print you viewed was a work in progress, and is not the film that ultimately got released as “Ascension”. I’d be happy to send you the final DVD released in 2005, as it’s clear you didn’t seem to make any effort to look into the circumstances of your screening.

    The project was a labor of love for all involved, but I can understand how tempting it is to ridicule a movie made for under $100,000, while grouping it with a slew of multi-million dollar Hollywood sequels. Hiding behind a low budget is not my intent, but you should understand what you screened at AFM that year.

    The final film, although much different than the cut you “reviewed”, is probably not your cup of tea anyway, but it has gone on to receive several good reviews that are listed on the web site.

    I apologize for sucking away that 87 minutes of your life, but independent filmmaking is a tough, long road, and projects change substantially between first screenings and release. The final version of “Ascension” may still make your list, but it would at least be more honorable to review what was finally released to the public as opposed to an industry screened rough cut.

    Best regards,
    John Krawlzik

    • Mr. Krawlzik

      Had I known I was viewing a workprint, I certainly would not have been as harsh to this movie as I was; I assumed that I was viewing a completed project. It’s also likely that my opinion of “Death on Saturn’s Moon” was compounded by the fact that I didn’t get into the AFM screening I was planning on.

      I do not disparage films because of their low budgets, and am often impressed with what certain films can do with limited resources. I would love to see a finished version of your film, and would be happy to amend my position.

      • Please forward an address to me and I’d be glad to send you a DVD. Thank you.

      • I’ll send you a finished DVD copy of “Ascension” for review – I need a mailing address. Thank you.

  4. Hi,

    We’ve browsed through your reviews and thought that they are really original and interesting! We would like to invite you to publish your reviews on 7tavern.com, which provides an alternative platform for promising movie reviewers to showcase their talents. In addition, you’ll find a growing community of bloggers who share the same passion for excellent movies! Based on the merit of your reviews, we intend to offer you exclusive publishing privileges on our website!

    Please feel free to contact us to discuss our proposal. =)

    7tavern Team

  5. Hello Mr. Seibold,

    My name is Catherine Meyers, I’m the admin of a high traffic web/blog directory (PR5) and a games web. I’ve been reading your blog and it’s movie reviews and articles, I think they are great and would like to offer you a link exchange with my sites, hoping that they can serve as valuable entertainment to your site’s visitors and more importantly help improving the web traffic of Three Cheers for Darkened Years!. If you are interested please let me know.


  6. Hey Witney,

    I am a fellow reviewer of film and other things. I run a site called Red Dwarf Media. I review media center devices and all things you can stream off the internet to your TV. I like you work. Good reviews and well written. I am going to add you to my blogroll. Hopefully one or two of my seven readers will find their way over to you. Good luck and keep up the good work.


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