Name That Script: Parker Posey

Name That Script: Parker Posey

A challenge met by: Witney Seibold

Based on an idea by: Richard Ortiz and Artie Mora


Challenger: Artie Mora


The Actress: Parker Posey




The Five Films:


1)      Scream 3


2)      The Doom Generation


3)      Josie and the Pussycats


4)      Blade: Trinity


5)      Coneheads


            Josie and her band are on an expedition in the vast arctic wastelands of Siberia. They’ve always wanted an expedition like this after their band was so successful. They find an ancient temple buried in the ice, and find a large stone casket…


            Back in L.A. a trio of trash talking asshole teenagers is busy drinking, having kinky sex, and talking about going on a killing spree, just for the hell of it. They bundle in a car together and start driving, ending up in Hollywood. They start to bum around a movie set.


            The movie being shot on this set is the sequel to a horror hit from a few years ago. The trio of assholes hate what they see (but they hate most things), but watch on anyway. They find a dead body on the set…


            High above L.A. is an alien ship. It is having trouble, and must make an emergency landing in Hollywood Hills. The aliens look human except for large cone-shaped heads. And voracious appetites. They wander down into civilization looking for supplies, and discover Hollywood.


            Josie and the Pussycats have returned from Siberia and settle down at home with their new find, the large stone casket. They don’t know what it is, but they like it. They are playing Twister one night when there’s a tragic accident, and one of them cuts themselves on a bottle of root beer. The blood lands on the casket, and something odd begins to happen.


            On the movie set, the trio of assholes periodically have threesomes, and continue to find bodies. They think it’s so cool. They start toying with the idea of killing a few themselves. The director of the film, meanwhile, is distressed that his cast is vanishing, and begins receiving reports of a ghost-like costumed maniac floating around the set.


            The aliens work their way into Hollywood, and onto the set. The director likes them immediately, and insists that they play parts in the film. The aliens, knowing that this might lead to money, and hence food and supplies, agree. The trio sees the aliens, and picks them as their first victims. They find a shotgun and shoot one. The alien is, luckily, unharmed, and one of the trio is apprehended.


            Just as he’s being taken away, though, the black ghostly figure appears, and begins stabbing people. Yipes! Everyone is freaked out, even the trio of assholes.


            Josie and the Pussycats have unleashed Dracula from his long slumber of death. He thanks them, and bolts into the night to feed. He smells blood nearby, and swoops to it.


            The ghostly killer is able to evade the police, and continues his killing spree. The trio try to hide, but the killer finds them and takes them hostage. The aliens, seeing that this is not regular on this planet, begin to plot a way to apprehend this killer.


            Dracula swoops into the movie set, attracted by all the blood, and finds the chaos within. He begins feeding on the cops and making vampires. The aliens, seeing how hungry Dracula is, feel they’ve found a kindred spirit.


            Josie and the Pussycats head to the movie set to find their new friend. The killer wishes to know why the assholes tried to start killing, and they give some nihilist answer. The aliens, seeing that they can harvest the parts they need from human bodies, target the assholes, and have them beamed back to the ship. They reveal themselves as aliens, and everyone around is shocked. They find Dracula, and use their technology to imprison him. They see that he needs to feed, and offer him a new home where food is plentiful, and he can live in peace and not be executed for being a vampire or subject to the limiting laws of vampiredom. Dracula agrees.


            Josie and the Pussycats arrive and are able to tackle the killer from behind. The pull off his mask revealing… the film director! He was killing on his own set to increase the film’s popularity. They turn him over to the police, and get a reward and another movie deal. Dracula and the Coneheads head back to the alien ship, and the trio of assholes are fed into the fuel line.

Published in: on April 9, 2009 at 9:22 pm  Comments (1)  

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One CommentLeave a comment

  1. I am gonna make Mal do one of these at some point.

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