Name That Script: Carol Kane

Name That Script: Carol Kane

A Challenge Met by: Witney Seibold

Based on an idea by: Richard Ortiz and Artie Mora


The Challenger: Artie Mora


The Actress: Carol Kane


 Directors Guild Of America


The Five Films:


1) The Muppet Movie


2) License to Drive


3) Joe vs. the Volcano


4) Even Cowgirls Get the Blues


5) Scrooged


Whoo. Here goes nothing.


            Kermit the Frog is tried of Christmas. He’s made more than one Christmas movie, and just wants to forget it this year. He decides to spend Christmas on a tropical island. Of course, being a frog, he has no way of actually getting there. He decides to go on the road. While on the road, he meets a mysterious stranger with enormous thumbs who is able to get rides better than he. Kermit entices her with tales of a tropical island. At first, she is unmoved, as she prefers hitching the open road, but is soon swayed by Kermit’s stories.


            The stranger is able to flag down a 16-year-old driver and his horny friend, both named Cory, blazing down thr road. Kermit and the stranger are wary, but they board. They soon learn that neither of the boys have their driver’s licenses, and they must flee town for wrecking several cars.


            Kermit convinces them to head to the tropical island for Christmas, where they can shun the holiday together. The four of them travel, and run into several randomly placed celebrities.


            At night, Kermit dreams. Waldorf and Statler visit him, and tell him that people love the Muppet Christmas movies, and that if he leaves, he’ll ruin his life and become a horrid frog. He is visited by a ghost of Christmas past who shows him bad Christmases he’s had, but some good ones as well.


            Meanwhile, there are bad guys in pursuit: Cops are after the Corys, an evil rancher is after the stranger, and a wacky fast food resauranteur is after Kermit. The race to the tropical island become all the more frantic. They drive onto a cargo plane. Kermit drams on the plane of the current Christmas and sees all his friends missing him, and all the heartbroken children not getting any Christmas special. Gonzo even threatens to quit the Muppets if Kermit does not return.


            The plane approcahes the tropical island.


            The four of them all begin talking, and they all actually love Christmas, and are just alienated by certain things that they haven’t had the courage to deal with: the Corys with their adolescence, the stranger with her loner tendencies, and Kermit with his fear of overexposure. They are unexpectedly boarded by the police! In tow are the rancher and the restauranteur. In a scuffle, Kermit is knocked out. He dreams of the future Christmas. One where he’s dead. Everyone is sad. Christmas is miserable. After Gonzo left the Muppets, everyone started dropping out until the troupe was just Lew Zeland and Sam Eagle, and they would only ever argue on stage.


            Kermit wakes up, and finally admits that he loves Christmas and we wants to go home, but he finds that, during the police scuffle, the plan has been pointed right at the mouth of a volcano on the tropical island! Oh no! The plan plunges into the hot mouth!…


            …. Oddly, The Corys’ superior flying skills steered them just right, and they were thrown free of the volcano’s blast. Kermit, the stranger, the Corys, the cops and all the bad guys gather around a big campfire, make peace with one another, hug, and sing Christmas carols. They have their won family here and now and are happy to be having Christmas, after a fashion. The stranger is able to hitch boats over to the island, so they are provided with drinks and a feast. Electric Mayhem also swings by to provide music. At the base of the active volcano, Kermit and the rest have the best Christmas ever.


Published in: on April 9, 2009 at 8:58 pm  Leave a Comment  

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