Punisher: War Zone

Punisher: War Zone

Film review by: Witney Seibold




            Mayhem tally:


          The bad guy (Dominic West from “The Wire” and “300”) gets his face cut off by broken bottles. It’s replaced by a scrapwork of skin, metal and horsehide. He calls himself “Jigsaw.”

          The Punisher (Ray Stevenson from “Rome”) hangs by his knees from a chandelier, holding a gun in either hand, and spins around shooting a room fulla bad guys.

          The Punisher decapitates an old man.

          A cop gets run through with a sword.

          Another cop gets his head turned backwards.

          A psychopath (Doug Hutchison from “Punisher: War Zone”) eats the still-warm kidney out of an orderly’s body.

          Wayne Knight gets shot in the head.

          An innocent old lady’s skull is blown open.

          The Punisher punches his fist through a guy’s head.

          A meth addict does a flip from one rooftop to another. While in midair, he is exploded with a rocket launcher. This is the film’s best shot.

          The following exchange takes place. Guy 1: “See you in Hell.” Guy 2: “If I see you anywhere near Hell, I’m gonna kick your ass.” I think that dialogue belongs on the mayhem tally.

          A young girl is witness to several murders, is threatened with a gun, and is forced to eat MREs.

          The film’s finale is a shootout between several different gangs. Many, many people fire guns, and get shot.

          One of the film’s final shots is of a neon-lit cross bearing the slogan “Jesus Saves.” The “Jesus” part then dramatically flickers out. The film’s final line of dialogue is as follows: “Oh great. Now I’ve got brains all over me.”




            Sometimes I don’t need a film to be good. I just need it to deliver on mayhem, and to show me something I’ve never seen before. “Punisher: War Zone” is not good, and it sure doesn’t skimp on the mayhem. There’s more blood in this thing than most horror films. Also, I’ve never seen a meth addict explode in midair before.

            Good job, Lexi Alexander. Your film, “Punisher: War Zone” did its job. It’s better than the Dolph Lundgren “Punisher” movie, and about as good as the Thomas Jane “Punisher” movie. Interpret those comparisons however you will.

            Lexi Alexander, by the way, is a lady.


Published in: on January 5, 2009 at 8:16 pm  Leave a Comment  

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