See No Evil
Film review by: Witney Seibold
In the last issue of this fine publication, I presented a review of An American Haunting, which I was convinced was one of the worst films of the year. I have found one worse still. Directed by something named Gregory Dark, and featuring 7-foot-tall pro-wrestler Kane as the psychopathic killer, See No Evil is a style-free, gross-out, eye-removing slasher flick that can’t even dream of approaching the level of quality of An American Haunting. Or even the remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, for that matter. I suspect that this film was a vanity project for the wrestler Kane, as hinted by the inclusion of the WWE logo right at the film’s head, which is kind of disturbing, as he plays an evil, mute murderer who is shown removing human eyeballs with his bare hands right on camera. And not in a fun way either.
The setup: Ten corpses-to-be. Eight petty criminals trying to pick up some community service and their two prison guardians. They move into a dilapidated old hotel for a few days to help renovate it. No actual renovation is depicted, but there is enough time for a nude shower scene, a lot of drug references, and mention that the hotel had a lot of secret passages. Enough exposition, onto the killing. This Kane fellow shows up (in the credits, his character is called Jacob Goodnight), and meathooks the tenants one by one, removes their eyes, and… uh… that’s pretty much it. He does get his in the end of course, and we get some confusing flashbacks as to why he kills people, but these things are hardly worth mentioning.
What happened to slashers with style? Remember John Carpenter’s Halloween? It only had a body count of four, little gore, few shots of the actual killer, and yet it remains the jewel in the genre’s crown. See No Evil is awkward, thumping, ugly, and painful. Gore can be fun (see Dead Alive) or shocking (see Dawn of the Dead), but here it’s just special effects. Some films feature a “zinger” at the end: after the credits have already begun, we’ll cut back briefly to the action. In See No Evil, we cut back to the post-climax killer’s dead body, a gaping hole in its face, only to see a stray dog sniff it, and proceed to urinate in the dead man’s ocular cavity. Tee hee hee. Sorry if I gave anything away.
May 19th, Lion’s Gate Releasing