The Series Project: Pokémon

Film article by: Witney Seibold

            I was going to start this essay with a battery of excuses as to why I, an adult male, have information on the universe of “Pokémon.” Why do I, someone in their early 30s, have intimate knowledge of the construction of “Pokémon” video games, opinions of the dramatic throughline of the “Pokémon” television series, or video copies of 9 of the 11 “Pokémon” movies? I will make no excuses other than to say my ex-girlfriend got me into it. If you want more, you’ll have to ask me personally.

            The Pokémon universe is a vast and complicated one. Let’s see if I can sum it up succinctly.

            There are no animals in this world, just Pokémon. Pokémon are a species of superpowered animals that wander the landscape, waiting to be captured by Pokémon trainers. At age 10, a young child may leave home and take to the road with no money and no phone, attempting to capture these superpowered animals for use in Pokémon battles, which are little more than high-octane cockfights. When one Pokémon knocks out another in a Pokémon battle, the trainer of the Pokémon left standing is considered the winner. If a trainer defeats a number of Pokémon Gym Leaders in battle, they are considered a Pokémon Master.

            There are different “types” of Pokémon in this universe, including Pokémon that are mere bird, Pokémon that can spit gallons of water, Pokémon that can breathe fire, Pokémon with psychic powers like Carrie, and even an cute little electrical mouse named Pikachu (voiced by Ikue Ootani), the series’ spokesPokémon. Certain “types” have advatndages over others.

            It sounds like video game because it is. The “Pokémon” video games hit the market first (in Japan, then the U.S.), followed by a card game, and then a television program. Each one of these was immensely popular, which meant that movies were in the works. There are 11 movies to date. The first five were released theatrically. Here, then, is a rundown on the movies:

Pokémon: The First Movie (1999)

            N.B. Almost each of the “Pokémon” films is preceded by a short film. I will not review the short films, suffice to say, they focus only on Pokémon and not on any of the human characters. Since the Pokémon don’t speak, other than their own names, these shorts get really annoying really fast. They’re all watchable, though, as most of the Pokémon are so damn cute.

            The Story: The lead human of the Pokémon universe, Ash (voiced by Veronica Taylor in the American version), joined by his two friends Misty and Brock (Rachael Lillis and Eric Stuart), is invited to a mysterious Pokémon tournament on a mysterious island surrounded by a wicked storm.

            Unbeknownst to our heroes, the island is ruled by a psychic Pokémon named Mewtwo (Philip Bartlett), who has been cloned from a fossil of a Pokémon thought to be extinct named, what else, Mew. Mewtwo has already killed his creators, and has now invited brave Pokémon trainers to his island so he may best them in battle and steal their Pokémon for cloning purposes.

            It makes sense when you’re a kid.

            Ash and his lot are being perpetually followed by the evil-but-incompetent comic villains known as Team Rocket. The team is represented by Jesse and James (Lillis and Stuart), and their talking Pokémon Meowth (Madeleine Blaustein), who sounds like a Brooklyn wiseguy. Team Rocket is trying to constantly steal Pokémon, and report back to their boss for praise. Yes, they have low ambitions.

            It’s never really made clear how old these kids are, but I’d put them somewhere between 10 and 16. Brock is depicted as girlcrazy, so he’s at least pubescent.

            Anyway, Ash, Misty and Brock manage to brave the storm, and make it to Mewtwo’s island. Team Rocket tries to help them, disguised as Vikings (?), but fail. Team Rocket also, somehow makes it to the island. There, Ash meets several other Pokémon trainers, and Mewtwo reveals himself. Mewtwo’s cloned Pokémon battle the trainers’ uncloned ones, and the clones seem to easily best them. Mewtwo steals all the Pokémon and clones them. Ash frees the captured Pokémon, and there’s a huge multi-Pokémon battle royale, with the new clones fighting their uncloned counterparts. The Pokémon fight so fiercely, that they wear one another down. There’s a hilarious scene of Pikachu’s clone bitchslapping the original.

            Witnessing all this, the humans all come to the conclusion that fighting and violence is wrong, and peace and cooperation is better way to live. I’m certainly not being too astute in pointing out that a kids’ film franchise that banks on animals battles is trying to preach that animal battles are wrong.

            During this mess, the original Mew, which turns out to still be alive, appears. Mew giggles and is very kitten-like, but still fights with Mewtwo when challenged. During the Mew/Mewtwo battle, Ash is accidentally turned to stone. Perhaps he’s killed. Either way, his sacrifice so moves the Pokémon that they weep for him. And, get this, their tears float through the air and bring Ash back to life.

            Yeah. I know. It’s an over-obvious, inappropriately Christ-like, jaw-dropping, teeth-gritting moment. Stop swearing at me.

            Mewtwo sees that humans and Pokémon can get along after all, and takes his clones away to another place where they’ll never be found and can live in harmony with one another. He also uses his psychic powers to erase everyone’s memories so they’ll not know about him.

            We just spent 90 minutes of film learning the lessons that fighting is wrong. Doesn’t it strike you as counterintuitive to erase the characters’ memories, and hence the less they learned? Sigh. Well, the film is called “The First Movie.” Guess they have to give a let-in for the inevitable sequels.

            I can’t say people who know nothing about “Pokémon” would enjoy this film or even understand it. It’s fast-paced, noisy mayhem which seems to play by rules that only little kids would either care to learn, or would already know from the games and television series. This is not a film for the uninitiated.

            However, there is something enjoyably hallucinatory about this film. Perhaps it’s the bizarre Japanese images paired with the horrible American kid-friendly pop hits on the soundtrack. Perhaps it’s the wide, wide variety of magical creatures floating, without rhyme or reason, past your eyeballs. Perhaps it’s the sight of cutesy li’l monsters committing acts of violence. Perhaps it’s the odd logic of a superpowered animal repeatedly speaking its own name. Whatever it is, an uninitiated adult with an open mind, a love of Japanese film, and well-tuned irony knob may actually be able to go with the flow.

            There will, however, be better films.

Pokémon: The Movie 2000 (2000)

            Yes, that is the title.

            I guess everyone had to cash in on millennial crazes while the going was good. Michael Haigney, the mastermind behind the American versions of Pokémon was no exception.

            Anyway, I managed to see this one on theaters, and we were rewarded with a collectable Pokémon trading card for our troubles. The card handed out at the door was actually featured in the film. That’s quite possibly the best marketing tie-in I’ve ever seen. The only one better would be to give away limited-edition Optimus Prime toys with the new “Transformers” movies.

            A brief word on the marketing of the Pokémon empire: The slogan for the Pokémon TV series is “Gotta Catch ‘Em All!” They even say “Gotta Catch ‘Em All!” in the series’ theme song. There are, as of this film’s release, 151 different varieties of Pokémon. That’s a lot game to play, a lot of figurines to collect, and a lot of wrapped cards to buy. The “Pokémon” series often seems less like legit entertainment, and more like the modern version of what Hasbro did back in the 1980s with “Transformers” and “G.I. Joe.” i.e. use a cartoon show merely to advertise things outside of the cartoon show.

            That said, one can look at the entire “Pokémon” film series as a way to introduce new generations of toys and video games into the world. I must say, as an advertising tool, the “Pokémon” movies start out working well, but then become so autonomous of the Pokémon video game empire that they start to take on a life of their own. That happens around #3 or #4.

            As for this second one, well, let’s take a look.

            The Story: In this film, Brock has been replaced by a character named Tracey (Ted Lewis). Ash, Pikachu and his crew find that the weather has been acting strangely lately, and hoards of wild Pokémon have been going about a mass immigration to the sea. Tit’s not made clear the ecology of mass Pokémon migration, but the haunted tones in which the characters speak imply that this is not a good thing. Despite this, they manage to make their way to an island resort to take part in an obscure local festival. There are a loc of obscure local festivals in the Pokémon universe.

            It turns out the weather disturbances have been caused by the capture of three gigantic bird Pokémon whose mere presence somehow modulates the weather and keeps the oceans calm. The three birds are called Zapdos, Articuno and Moltres, and they have been captured by an ambitious Pokémon collector without a name (played by Neil Stewart).  He plans to upset the oceans enough that an even rarer Pokémon named Lugia will emerge, and he’ll be able to catch that one as well. If he does, the oceans will explode or something. Lugia does emerge, but the three big birds get so pissed off that they escape, and start fighting one another. Why? Um… Because big superpowered birds like to fight, I guess.

            Again, there is an irony in using a slogan like “Gotta Catch ‘Em All!” and then showing how evil it is when you try to do said thing.

            Ash must make his way to three local islands and replace three sacred orbs back to their nesting places, and that will somehow calm the three big birds and restore harmony to nature. It works. The evil collector has his giant airship ruined (did I mentioned he had a giant airship? Sorry ‘bout that. Yeah. The bad guy has a giant airship), and all is well. There’s a lot of talk that Ash has fulfilled an ancient prophecy. That’s a lot for a kid his age to handle, but he seems pretty unaffected by this place in an ancient prophecy.

            Oh there are a lot of ancient prophecies in the Pokémon universe.

            This film is larger and grander and has a stronger narrative force than the first movie, but is still little more than what it sounds like. There’s not a lot of character conflict or growth, other than a brief period when Team Rocket decides to help the heroes because they want to be good for a change. By the end of the film, there have been no lessons that can be blanked from our memories.

            I do have to point out that the idea of our actions having unknown destructive repercussions… that’s very Japanese.

            On a curious note, the film’s soundtrack features original songs by no one less than The B-52’s, and “Weird Al” Yankovic.

Pokémon 3: The Movie (2001)

            Sigh. Yes, again, that is the title.

            This film features the second generation of Pokémon, which means 100 new creatures to memorize. And, I have to say, the story to this one is actually a bit clever.

            An old archeologist has discovered a cave of eerie Pokémon called Unown, which have psychic powers. When the Unown accidentally (?) imprison the archeologist in another dimension, they feel so bad about it that they take up shop under his old house where his 5-year-old daughter Molly (Amy Birnbaum) lives. They use their psychic powers to grant her every wish. Since she’s scared, and only five years old, the Unown coat the entire neighborhood in crystal, and bring into being an extinct Pokémon named Entei, who can talk and serves as Molly’s replacement father.

            Ash and his crew (Brock has returned) must venture into Molly’s crystal castle, battling figments of her imagination, in order to convince her that her greatest wishes are hurting others. The Unown are so powerful, and so hellbent on serving the little girl, that they would be capable to destroying the world, or something.

            The battles are strange, and the swirling crystal formations are impressively hypnotic. The climaxes tend to pile upon one another, but this will be familiar to anyone comfortable with Japanese cartoons of any stripe. Eventually, all is well.

            While the world of Pokémon is still as baffling as ever, and the characters still as flat as ever, and the Pokémon themselves still as obnoxious as ever, I cannot fault this one on its story. I’ve seen adolescent sci-fi/fantasy films with comparable stories, so “Pokémon 3: The Movie” is up to snuff. There’s even a subplot about a reporter choosing to help those in peril rather than just reporting the peril. That’s kind of mature of a kids’ flick.

            Oh yeah, Team Rocket are in this one as well, but I don’t think they did anything of consequence.

Pokémon 4Ever (2002)

            It’s kind of odd that they would choose to declare that Pokémon were going to live 4Ever just as the series began to contract in popularity.

            The Story: Ash and his crew have wandered into a lovely wooded area. He runs into a young boy named Sammy (Tara Jayne) who has recently befriended a wood sprite named Celebi (rhymes with celery). An evil Pokémon collector (yes there are many in this world) wants to capture Celebi in something he invented called a Dark Ball. Evidently a Dark Ball can turn a mild-mannered Pokémon into an evil Pokémon, while at the same time making them stronger. Sounds like standard comic book stuff to me.

            Sammy and Ash play together, and learn that Pokémon live in peace with nature, and their presence really does effect the environment. I like the ecological messages of bio-diversity that run through the “Pokémon” films. They also learn that Sammy was perhaps transported from the past at one point, which is why he was lost in the woods. Celebi seems to have the power to travel through time, and that it why it is sought by the evil collector and his Dark Balls. Oh, and Team Rocket is there to help him; they admire him.

            The evil collector does eventually capture Celebi in a Dark Ball, and forces it to build a stories-high monster made of trees and branches. The Celebi monster takes out a lot of the forest, and Ash and Sammy must work together to convince Celebi that friendship is better than evil. They are aided by another nature Pokémon called Suicune who exists for no discernible reason in this film.

            Celebi does call off its attack, but is injured. Other Celebi from all different times appear in a big time rift, and heal it. Sammy is returned to his own time in the past, where we learn that his full name is Samuel Oak, and he will grow up to be a Pokémon expert, and, get this, a mentor to Ash. Twist! Zing! Wow! Irrelevant!

            This is the shortest of the Pokémon films at only 79 minutes. The beauty of the forest painting are offset by the weirdness of the monsters running around in it. However, the series’ overall message of ecology has been firmly laid. We’ll see it again.

            If you get this film on video, watch it with the commentary track on. It’s fascinating to hear adults talk about Pokémon in an interested and intelligent way.

Pokémon Heroes (2003)

            Haigney has left the building, and this film was taken over by Jim Malone.

            Can you believe that the “Pokémon” films are only getting better?

            The Story: Ash, Misty and Brock are now in a city that resembles Venice, complete with canals. While the Pokémon franchise has been withering, the production values of the films seem to be increasing. By the fifth film, we now have a rich and atmospheric film, with believable cities, and halcyon gardens.

            The story is, however, still weird as hell. Evidently there are two invisible Pokémon flying about Venice, who only appear for moments at a time. Ash manages to follow them to a secret garden, where he meets a young lady who is their protector. The Pokémon are Latias and Latios, and… well, as you can predict, they have a special power and are coveted by an evil Pokémon collector. Their power? They can far-see like in “Beastmaster.” The evil collector? An evil pair of Team Rocket named Annie and Oakley.

            Jesse and James? Annie and Oakley? Butch and Cassidy?

            The machine that Annie and Oakley use to track down the invisible Pokémon is actually an ancient Da Vinci-like device, and it looks pretty cool. They take over the Pokémon for a short while, but are foiled.

            Despite the over use of pop-hit-scored montages, I like “Pokémon Heroes.” Once again, the characters don’t really grow, and there are no real moral lessons, but, like I said, it’s atmospheric, and thankfully intimate. No end-of-the-world scenarios here; just people doing bad things on a personal level. I think I prefer the villains in my children’s entertainment to have small ambitions. It’s hard for a kid to understand why world domination is necessarily a bad thing, seeing as most kids are selfish little buggers. Better to show the immediate impact of a villain’s action on the heroes.

Pokémon: Jirachi: Wishmker (2004)

            Directed, now by Eric Stuart.

            This is the first straight-to-video “Pokémon” movie, but the production values are only increasing. At this point, the third generation of Pokémon have been introduced, meaning 150 more Pokémon. Also, Misty has been replaced by a girl named May, but is played by the same voice actress. We also have May’s little brother Max (Amy Birnbaum), a nerdy little know-it-all who is only slightly less annoying than Spritle Racer.

            The Story: Another local festival. This time, a village is celebrating the appearance of a comet that only appears once a millennium. They have a whole carnival set up, including an impressive magic show put on by a douche bag named Butler (Wayne Grayson, which sounds like a Batman mistake).

            The area Pokémon that shows up in this film, is the title monster Jirachi, which can speak, and only appears for one week every 1000 year just to make friends with a young boy. The young boy is Max. Jirachi’s special power is granting wishes. The evil collector that wants it is Butler. Butler, it turns out, was once a member of an evil thief clan called Team Magma, and was kicked out when he could catch a monster called Groudon, which is essentially a stories-high fire-breathing dinosaur.

            Butler uses a machine to imprison Jirachi, and use its special energy-producing powers to make a giant clone of Groudon. The clone, predictably, goes on a rampage, destroying the local woods. Uh oh. There’s that ecology message again. There’s talk about how if the local trees are destroyed, the entire ares will vanish. Or something. The franchise is good to promote ecology, but they seem utterly preoccupied with trees.

            Eventually Max and Ash free Jirachi with the help of another oddly-placed featured Pokémon called Absol. Groudon dissipates, and Butler makes up with his childhood sweetheart. Did I mention he has a childhood sweetheart? Well he does. He has a childhood sweetheart. Jirachi and Max have a teary farewell, and Jirachi disappears with the comet.

Pokémon: Destiny Deoxys (2004)

            Directed by Kunihiko Yuyama.

            Like the 5^th, this 7^th film is gorgeous and atmospheric, having been modeled on, of all places, Vancouver. It takes place in a huge, clean, technologically advanced city, replete with helper robots, and clean natural energy. The city in “Pokémon 7” is every environmentalist’s dream come true.

            The Story: Ash and his klatch have arrived at this city to compete in some sort of tournament that takes place in a big scary techno-tower that looks a lot like a clean version of the prison from “Fortress.” They are told all about how wonderfully advanced this city is, and how it is populated by floating helper robots who know where everyone is at any given moment. A bit 1984-ish, but whatever. The entire city runs on wind power.

            Ash also meets a young boy named Tory (Tara Jayne) who has befriended a mysterious floating crystal. It’s not clear whether or not this crystal is a Pokémon or what, but we still get the playful garden montage.

            A Pokémon from space arrives. This is Deoxys. It encases the entire city in a force field, cutting off its wind supply, and begins scanning for something. Is it the crystal? Man, you’re way ahead of this movie. Somehow the arrival of Deoxys also invokes the ire of a space-dwelling dragon named Rayquaza. Rayquaza and Deoxys spend a lot of the movie fighting. I guess this is a rule in Japan: if two giant monsters meet, they must fight.

            To stop the fighting monsters, the characters must find what Deoxys was looking for. It doesn’t take them long to realize that it’s Tory’s crystal, and they must use their bodies and Pokémon to power the city just enough to hatch the crystal. Yeah, evidently there’s another Deoxys inside. If the two Deoxys meet, then all will be well.

            Yeah, all is well.

            This film is actually quite clever in the way it sticks to its own rules. The city seems, as proper sci-fi should, actually usable and credible, despite the farfetched future technology. That’s why “Star Trek” is so appealing: one feels that The Enterprise might actually work, what with its pseudoscience.

            This raises and interesting question, though. When does the universe of Pokémon take place? Is this the future? It must be, as there are high-tech devices all over the place like Pokéballs. But it’s still a world that uses regular cars and phones and fashions. I guess, like some sci-fi and fantasy, it takes place in a parallel world where Pokémon stand in for regular animals.

Pokémon: Lucario and the Mystery of Mew (2006)

            Directed by: Darren Dunstan. This is the last Pokémon film to feature the same cast of actors. They were all replaced in the next film. I guess the contracts all expired. This is also the first film to feature the fourth generation of Pokémon bringing the grand total to about 475.

            The Story: Ash and his crew are attending a Renaissance Festival.

            …

            Let me repeat that: The characters in “Pokémon” are going to a frickin’ Renaissance Pleasure Faire. That’s probably the nerdiest thing I can think of. Perhaps if they had Ash team up with Frodo Baggins so they could swap Green Lantern trivia in Klingon it would be nerdier. They even dress Pikachu in a jester outfit. Good Lord.

            Anyway, Ash is elected head of some RenFaire court because he looks like a guy in a painting. Ash seems to be destined to be a somethingorother… I’m so tired of destiny stories. Ash’s scepter at the Faire, though, turns out to have contained in it a psychic Pokémon named Lucario (Sean Schemmel). Lucario has been trapped in the scepter since the days of Queen Elizabeth, and is still bitter that his old master ran out on a vital battle 400 years before.

            Lucario wants to investigate further, though, and enlists the help of Ash and co. to visit a local mountain said to conatin the power of the area. Magical ecological grove! Hurray! Lucario is also blessed with a second-sight sort of power, which behaves the same way that supercomputer Cerebro did in the “X-Men” films: he can locate things with his mind. Also along is a lady Indiana Jones type. I forgot her name.

            The magical mountain grove is protected by a trio of weird-looking robot Pokémon. Our human characters also find that Mew, from the first movie, has been living here this whole time, making sure that a giant crystal in the center of the mountain has energy or something. Anyway, it turns out that their very presence in the mountain has harmed the health of the entire grove and local ecosystem, and Lucario must use his special powers to heal the crystal in the heart of the grove.

            Rather than have actual flashbacks, the film provides us with the single most convenient narrative device since the Babelfish: the Flashback Flower. When one touches a flower, they see what happened near it in the past. It’s not clear how these flowers work, but it’s enough to say that Lucario learns the real truth of his dead master, and makes a noble sacrifice in his honor.

            The film may have stupid narrative leaps, and it may cleave too closely to the abstract at times, but the series is still getting better and better looking. Also, with Lucario, we’re given the first Pokémon character to have emotions and conflicts of its own. Finally, we’re having emotional conflicts rather than just goofy battles.

            Oh, did I forget to mention Team Rocket? I don’t mean to give them such a short shrift in all these movies, but they never function in the story, serving more as comic relief. I have to say, I have a strange affection for Meowth, as he seems to be the only one who sees how silly a lot of this stuff is. And Maddie Blaustein is great in the role, essentially using her own voice. Blaustein died in 2008.

Pokémon Ranger and the Temple of the Sea (2006)

            New studio! New cast! Ash is now played by Sarah Natochenny, May and Jesse are now played by Michele Knotz, James and Meowth by James Zoppi, Brock by Bill Rogers. At this point, the Pokémon franchise has been relegated to the diehards, and less and less distribution money has been give to it. The series still looks as good as ever, but for the kids who grew up on the stuff, it’ll seem like a huge departure.

The Story: There’s a rare Pokémon called Manaphy who bonds with May. Its special power is control of the oceans. The bad guy who wants it is a clichéd pirate man named The Phantom. There’s also a character named Kyle who calls himself a Pokémon Ranger, which is, as far as I can tell, kind of like a Pokémon superagent or something, who helps Pokémon in trouble. His character is notable in that he’s really, really douchey.

            Anyway, there’s a grand chase through the oceans to return Manaphy to an undersea castle. The pirate man is in hot pursuit, and Kyle is really, really douchey. The film resembles, in many ways, Disney’s “Atlantis: The Lost Empire.” In fact, they’re nearly the same film in both story and quality. There’s even an ancient prophecy. Ash eventually finds himself replacing magic crystals to an ancient machine that will save the undersea castle from the turbulent environment. This one hit all the bases. And Kyle is really, really douchey.

            Why involve a Pokémon Ranger at all? I guess they wanted to throw up the title a little bit, so they added this character. Oh, and they wanted to promote the new video games, which were also, I believe, called “Pokémon Ranger.” Whatever.

            I’m kind of neutral about this one. It was action-packed, but not really any more of less interesting than any of the others. See it for completion’s sake.

Pokémon: The Rise of Darkrai (2008)

            This film opens in another dimension (!) where two Japanese monsters named Dialga and Palkia are fighting for no known reason. They spit energy at one another a lot. They spit so hard, they tear open a hole in reality. Yeah, the series has finally gone there. Not content to focus on real environmental issues like clean air, healthy trees and biodiverse oceans, we’re reduced to holes in the fabric of reality.

            Ash is in a small European-like town which resembles Austria. There is a huge two-towered church in the middle of town which contains a giant, ancient mechanical music box that strikes like a clock every hour. The rare Pokémon in this film is Darkrai, a Pokémon whose special power is giving people nightmares.

            O.k. I gotta admit, even after being jaded through a long series of inane kids’ films, and seeing all kinds of monsters with little to no personality, Darkrai is really cool. I love the nightmare power, I like the way it looks, I like its scary voice (Bill Rogers again). Darkrai would have worked in a better sci-fi/fantasy film. That Darkrai is not inherently evil also adds a much-needed note of overcoming prejudice and moral ambiguity that this series has been entirely without until now.

            Anyway, Palkia and Dialga spit so hard that the entire town is sucked into a netherworld where it starts to dissolve from the outskirts in. It’s haard to tell, at first whether or not this is a nightmare created by Darkrai, or really happening, but they figure it out soon enough. Another douchey character Maury (Joshua Swanson) swaps bodies with a big pink Pokémon called Lickilicki.

            The young lady who owns the aforementioned music box, Alice (Emily Jenness) realizes that her forebears built the thing as a way to calm the nerves with gentle music, and just the right tune will calm the fighting monsters. Darkrai keeps the monsters busy while Ash and Pikachu run to the top of the tower and play the right song. Just as all is about to be dissolved, the world is saved.

Pokémon: Giratina and the Sky Warrior (2009)

            I’m drawing the line, for now, at 10. I’ve not seen this 11^th film.

Series overview:

            The “Pokémon” series entire is overenergetic, a little incomprehensible, shrill, and obnoxious. At the start, the strong sense of blind consumerism that overwhelmed the series was all to present in the movies. It wasn’t until the franchise began to lose steam that the films began to pick up in quality.

            The stories are kind of interchangeable, but I have to admit, I’ve seen a lot of sci-fi and fantasy films in my years, and I’ve seen much worse stories at work. The stories in these films serve more as a function to introduce new monsters, but they occasionally break out into something more entertaining than they ought to be.

            Each film contains at least six of the following:

1)      A rare Pokémon with a unique power.

2)      An ambitious collector who wants to capture/kill it.

3)      A local festival of some kind.

4)      An ancient prophecy that only Ash can fulfill.

5)      An ancient machine.

6)      A giant technolab/machine that will blow up.

7)      A pair of giant monsters fighting.

8)      A sacred grove of trees, or a protected ocean that is kept in the balance by Pokémon, and the subsequent upset of that balance.

9)      Team Rocket flying through the air.

            Aside from the strong ecological messages, though, the thing I like best about the “Pokémon” movies is the theme of travel. Each movie begins with Ash arriving in a new place, and wandering through this new place with awe and wonder. He wears a backpack, and is seen sleeping in seep bags, and eating from campfires. We get the sense that this kid really did leave home, and is now living his dream out on the road. It’s almost like “Pokémon” is playing subtle homage to Kerouac. I was lucky enough to travel the world when I was 15, and I met many post-high-school or post-college kids who were taking a few years to live off the land, and explore Europe on foot. I hear the same was common in India in the 1960s. Ash is one of those kids, and I love that. It makes me want to go on a Pokémon journey. Not to capture superpowered animals, but to experience at wide varieties of human life and unusual cities the world has to offer.

            Also, I have to say it, Pikachu is way damn cute. Too damn cute. I like his cute twitching eears, his cute li’l face, and his cute li’l voice. I like the way he pants when he runs, and the lighting he sparkles when upset. I think it’s Pikachu’s cuteness that brings me back time and time again. I know that’s hardly intellectual, but I’m willing to bet few have a tolerance to inscrutable Japanese sueprcuteness.

Moon

Film review by: Witney Seibold

            I usually don’t try to second-guess films. If I can see a plot twist or a surprise ending coming, I’ll still allow the film to tell it to me in its own idiom; it’s not the surprise itself that will necessarily grab me, but the skill with which it is given. I always know that Othello with die at the end of the play, but a good production will make me think he won’t once again.

            “Moon,” sadly, moves so ploddingly, that second-guessing may come naturally to the anxious viewer. I wasn’t surprised by any of the big “twists,” but that’s not what bothered me. What bothered me was that, once the surprises started to drop, the film didn’t do anything to explore them. It was content to rest on its laurels.

            This is not to say that “Moon” is not a good film; indeed I enjoyed it very much. It’s creepy, it’s atmospheric, and it is able to convey a sense of isolation rarely seen in film. Sam Rockwell, in the only real on-screen role give a tremendous performance of a man slowly deteriorating, both mentally and physically, under the weight of his own loneliness and unstaunchable work ethic.

            Sam Bell (Rockwell) is the only worker manning a lunar outpost. His job is to manage enormous mining machines that are sucking a potent form of energy from moon rocks. His only assistant is a friendly intelligent computer named GERTY (voiced by Kevin Spacey). He is coming to the end of a three-year tenure, and can’t wait to get home. He cannot communicate with Earth because of an unfixable malfunction in the communications equipment, so has been surviving on recorded messages.

            Sam lives like a man trapped in space would. He does not stand on decorum, he chats openly to himself and to GERTY, he doesn’t bother cleaning up, and he makes damn sure that his job is being done correctly.

            One day, he suffers an accident in his LEM. He is retrieved from the wreckage somehow, and brought to. GERTY begins treating him strangely, forbidding him to leave the lunar compound. When Sam gives GERTY the slip, he discovers the wreckage he survived from, and finds resting inside of it… himself.

            I will give away that one plot detail (as it was given away in the theatrical trailer), but none of the others. Needless to say, the two Sams begin to discuss just what the Sam Hill is goin’ on around here.

            Director Duncan Jones (son of pop star David Bowie) skirts very close to some very important questions, but doesn’t really bother to address them. It’s like existentialist angst without the existentialist problems. Once the big revels start to come, you are in awe for a moment, and then begin to question the logic and science of the thing.

            I still recommend this film for its quiet and intense solitude. It also manages to do what only some science fiction does: makes the on-screen technology seem workable and believable; you get the feeling that such a lunar base could actually exist. Well, if you don’t question the issue of gravity.

            I also recommend it for Rockwell’s performance. Rockwell is an underrated actor who will only continue to do good work. He may not always been in the best of films, but he always gives something memorable. I just wish that “Moon” had been smarted than it was.

Dead Snow

Film review by: Witney Seibold

            While a careful review about the film’s pacing, tone, themes, and performances is more appropriate to an author of my standing (or pretentiousness, take your pick), all I really need to say to get you to decide whether or not you want to see “Dead Snow” is the following two-word phrase:

            Zombie Nazis.

            Yes, a filmmaker in Norway (Tommy Wirkola) finally thought to dress a zombie in a Nazi uniform. In theory, one can dress a zombie however they like, and it will still be a zombie, but Wirkola goes one step further, and makes his monsters… well, they’re actually just zombies in Nazi uniforms. They move quickly, and seem to be reasonably intelligent, but they are, at the end of the day, just zombies in Nazi uniforms.

            How did we get here? Well, here’s the backstory: A group of attractive young people are heading into the mountains for a brief, cabin-bound holiday. There’s a loving couple, there’s a funny fat guy (who is savvy in movie trivia! Cue inappropriate horror self-awareness that went out of vogue nearly a decade ago!), there’s a blonde bombshell, there’s a guy with special outdoorsy knowledge. The actress who gets the most screentime is Charlotte Frogner. The savvy med student is Ørjan Gamst. Thay are, in fact, all med students. This details has less payoff than you’d like.

            Anyway, one creepy night, a grizzled mountain man (Bjørn Sundquist) happens upon the cabin of these kids, and tells them of a Nazi platoon who, back at the end of the war, fled from the Allies into these very mountains. They were attempting to hide their Nazi gold, you see. And, his story told, the man escapes into the night. His character is not named, which is fine, since he only exists to provide exposition.

            There’s a really unsavory sex scene in a frozen outhouse. Between characters that don’t really seem to have much in common. As soon as the sex barrier is broken, the Nazi zombies begin to show up. The film is really good about not showing the monsters for a long time. I like monster films that do that.

            One the monsters do show up, though, the film changes tone dramatically. It ceases being creepy, slow and serious, and begins to resemble another one of the many “Dead Alive” knockoffs. This is not a bad thing. There are some wonderful scenes of gory mayhem, including a man’s brain falling whole onto a cabin floor, and another scene in which a man dangles off the edge of a cliff, clinging onto nothing but a zombie’s uncoiled intestines.

            Eventually, just like in “Evil Dead” or something akin, there’s a battle royale of sorts between the heroes and the monsters, and there’s a lot of slicing and hacking and arterial spray on the snow. There’s even a scene in which a guy cuts off his own arm with a chainsaw. If there was a subgenre consisting of Raimi-esque Scandinavian Horror-Comedy Knockoffs, then “Dead Snow” would be at the forefront.

            If the idea of zombie Nazis sounds fun to you, then I can wholly recommend “Dead Snow;” I had a god time with it. If the idea seems absurd to you, then the film will not be able to sell you.

Surveillance

Film review by: Witney Seibold

            Every character in Jennifer Lynch’s “Surveillance” is a bundle of hissing, seething, violent nerves. They all badger one another, spit vitriol in each other faces, snap at one another in sweaty, bestial fury. That a few of them are criminals and perhaps even killers comes naturally in a universe like this. “Surveillance” seems to take place in a world that is a little different than our own, in which violent cosmic justice is enacted by semi-supernatural beings of unholy terror. Its setting is a run down police station in the middle of Nebraska (Saskatchewan), but most of the action is told in flashback, and takes place on a lonely Martian stretch of road that looks like the plains of Hell. No, “Surveillance” is not a pleasant film, and features scenes of violence that are not necessarily bloody or explicit, but are uncomfortable and brutal.

            The story mirrors that of “Rashomon.” Two FBI agents (Bill Pullman and Julia Ormond, both playing effectively against type) are investigating an incident on the Nebraska roads. Being questioned are a dirty cop (co-writer Kent Harper), a twentysomething drug addict (Pell James), and a little girl (a very good Ryan Simpkins). Some have died, but no one is forthcoming about their stories, preferring to badger and insult everyone around them. Michael Ironside appears as a gruff police chief, and French Stewart (!) appears as an abusive cop.

            As the flashbacks unfold, we learn of the highway habits of the Harper and Stewart characters, i.e. that they like to shoot out the tires of passing motorists, bust them for speeding, steal their wallets, threaten to rape them, bully them, and essentially try to frighten the living beejesus out of them. Y’know, for fun. The James character is just trying to escape with a bunch of stolen drugs with her boyfriend (Mac Miller), and the little girl is on an unwanted vacation with her family (Cheri O’Teri plays mom).

            That some of these characters aren’t present at the FBI questioning implies that something terrible has happened. Something no one is opening up about. Well, the little girl is open about it, but no one seems to be listening. There is a subplot incorporating a pair of masked serial killers. Of course, the subplot will eventually come into play.

            I admired this film. I liked Lynch’s use of sound (clearly taught to her by her famous father David), and her ability to construct such a twisted, heated narrative. It’s rare that a film is able to construct an entire universe of its own, and it’s audacious when directors try. Lynch has been successful. By the time we get to the film’s violent ending, and all secrets have been reveled, we don’t feel jerked around by strange plotting (which the film has been accused of having), but accepting of the film’s inevitability.

            Many may be put off by the film’s brutality and ineffable strangeness. That is fine; “Surveillance,” at times, seems to want to deliberately alienate people. I liked it. But a few people did walk out.

The Proposal

Film review by: Witney Seibold

            Actress and choreographer Anne Fletcher directed “The Proposal,” and, I’m a little embarrassed to admit, I have now seen all of Fletcher’s films. That’s an oeuvre that contains both the sappy vagina-friendly romcom “27 Dresses” and the unfortunately dance-light dance flick “Step Up.” I’ve seen many of the films she done the choreography for as well, and I admire her work in that field.

            But I really dislike “The Proposal.” It is clichéd, toothless, predictable, and sappy. Sandra Bullock purportedly plays a mean-spirited ballbuster, but is far too charming to be believed as one. Ryan Reynolds continues his reputation as being the best thing in bad movies, but can’t manage to elevate the material. Betty White is funny as the grandmother – she can’t really be unfunny – but her very casting in the role of “funny grandma” felt less like a natural choice, and more like studio tinkering. The story features a cloyingly adorable dog, “cute” awkward city-girl-in-the-sticks moments, nervous humor wrung from an unfunny stripper, and a dramatic chase to the airport at the end. Craig T. Nelson and Mary Steenburgen play the parents of the Reynolds character, and are saddled with so little to do, it was a near miracle they managed to be recognized at all.

            Bullock plays Margaret Tate, a Canadian émigré who has been on her own since age 16. She has managed to become the head editor as a high-powered New York publishing company. There are few establishing scenes at the beginning of the film, making sure we know she’s tough. Her toughness, however, ends after the first 10 minutes, as we have a story to get to. It turns out that Margaret is in danger of being deported back to Canada, so she bribes her beleaguered assistant Andrew (Reynolds) into marrying her. Once they’re married, and she has her green card, Andrew will get a promotion and will have his heartfelt manuscript published.

            Thanks to the snooping of a slimy INS agent (ubiquitous character actor Denis O’Hare), Margaret and Andrew must actually do married couple things, like tell the family. Hence, off they go to Sitka, AK, where Margaret must learn to adapt her very citymouse sensibilities to a cutesy, outdoorsy tourist community. I hear you can see Russia from Sitka. Yuk yuk. But I kid the Palins.

            Ryan Reynolds takes his clothes off in the film. Sandra Bullock, also, does appear nude, covering herself with her hand and a sponge. This is as titillating as you’d expect, although it seems less like a moment rife with comic potential, and more like Bullock is trying to show off to the world that she’s in good shape (indeed, she looks better now than she did a decade ago). Ms. Bullock, you are in great shape. I just wish you could show that off in a better movie.

Lookin' good there, Ms. Bullock

            There is some promise in a subplot involving The One That Got Away (Malin Ackerman), but nothing pans out. There are those aforementioned awkward scenes with a beefy, swarthy stripper named Ramone (Oscar Nuñez), but they are not nearly as funny as the film seems to think they are. On the whole, “The Proposal” plays out exactly as you’d predict, with jokes as safe and as warm as a basket of biscuits. I guess it will serve if you’re looking for a typical brainless romcom that Bullock is known for. If you want wit and intelligence, see something else. I recommend “Adventureland.”

            If you’d like to hear the discussion I had about “The Proposal” on the gloriously grand website The Popcorn Mafia – made by its two lovely and gracious hostesses Grae Drake and Gariana Abeyta – then I encourage you to click on the following link: http://www.popcornmafia.com/podcast.php?id=77

Whatever Works

Film review by: Witney Seibold

            After several films in Europe, Woody Allen returns to his local digs on Manhattan. This time, he is paired up with west-coast neurotic Larry David of “Curb Your Enthusiasm” fame, and filming a screenplay he originally wrote back in the 1970s for no one less than Zero Mostel.

            Sadly, Larry David is less than Zero Mostel.

            David plays a character named Boris Yellnikov, whose idea of a good time is whining about his back, eating bland knishes, and expounding with his pseudo-cultured friends on the meaninglessness of existence and the absence of God. He berates his friends, and belittles anyone who does not agree with him, or who does not have several advanced degrees from certain colleges. And even if you do meet his criteria, he’ll still go out of his way to find something wrong with you.

            Boris is such a dour misanthrope on the page, that it’s hard for me to accept a talented comedian like David in the role. David has done some terrific work in “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” but proves to be more adept at comedy than he is at acting. All through “Whatever Works,” I was recasting the film in my head. What if someone who could be truly sour and ugly and creepy were in the role? What if Kevin Spacey or Timothy Spall had played the part? Then “Whatever Works” would have been a brilliant and penetrating dark comedy about the true nature of misanthropy, and how some people are only truly happy when they are miserable.

            But no, Boris is a warm, silly, almost charming little jerk, who, through his relationships with people became a lovable ol’ asshole rather than just a sour one.

            How doe she change? A blonde teenage runaway from Mississippi named Melodie (Evan Rachel Wood) insinuates herself into his place. Melodie is a stupid ditz, and Boris has a grand time insulting her and berating her intelligence. She’s too dumb most of the time to even realize she’s being insulted, and seems to hold Boris’ intelligence in awe, not really caring that he hates the world. Eventually, Boris begins to like having her around, and he eventually marries her. I guess the message is a middle-aged sourpuss can be cured by a few nights in the sack with Evan Rachel Wood. Thank you, Woody Allen.

            After than, the film drifts away from Boris, and begins to focus, distractedly, on Melodie and her mom ‘n’ dad (Patricia Clarkson and Ed Begley, Jr. both fantastic) who have separately trailed Melodie to New York, and who both discover whole new lifestyles there. The entire third act is a drama about how dad left mom, and mom has a new boyfriend, and dad left his mistress, and mom is now an artist… yeah, you can tell Allen was just spitballing when he wrote these passages.

            Wood, an actress who has often grated on my nerves (for reasons that I have trouble defining) is actually fine here, despite her generic Southern accent and broad “stupid” shtick. She can certainly play the ditz far better than Scarlett Johansson did in Allen’s “Scoop.”

            I wanted to like this film, but Allen didn’t seem to have his heart in this one. I think melancholy romances and outright tragedies in Europe play more to his strengths in recent years.

            If you’d like to hear me talking about “Whatever Works” with the two lovely and gracious hostesses of movie podcast and website, The Popcorn Mafia – by name, Grae Drake and Gariana Abeyta – follow this link: http://www.popcornmafia.com/podcast.php?id=77

3rd-Grade Dimension
Film review by: Witney Seibold

            I have a personal genre I apply to certain films; one that can be applied to “Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over.” That is the genre of Films I Would Have Loved When I was 10. So while this third film in the “Spy Kids” series may be hyperkinetic and childish and consisting of action set-pieces strung together by a story about as solid as a block of shaving cream, there was a large dark recess of my childhood being tapped. My adult self wanted far more substance and narrative drive, and (as much as he loved 3-D) an opportunity to see this without the 3-D glasses. But my inner 10-year-old was merrily razzing me.
            The story is… Well, the set-up is: pre-teen ex-spy Juni Cortez (Daryl Sabarra) is called back from early retirement (!) to help retrieve his spy older sister, Carmen (Alexa Vega) from the clutches of The Toymaker (Sylvester Stallone, yes Sylvester Stallone. Playing multiple roles, no less). Evidently, her consciousness is being held inside a video game she was playing, á la “The Lawnmower Man.” Juni must enter the video game, and get to the unbeatable level five, to save her. While inside the game (which is 3-D), he runs into other kids who have been savvy in the game for a while (beta-testers, you see), as well as Grandpa (Ricardo Montalban, yes Ricardo Montalban) who has slipped the syrly bounds of his body, and is full of video-game-produced pep. Fights with lava monsters and “Tron”-like motorcycle races ensue. Juni gathers a following when people realize that he’s “The Guy.” Which guy? The guy on the video-game box, of course.
            The 3-D in this film is anaglyph (red-and-blue), which, of the 3-D technologies, is the worst. It works, and the fingers and sparks and tendrils and floating digital numbers float close to your eyeballs well enough, but the colors get washed away in the process. It could have looked better, knowing director/writer/editor/composer/SFX tech Robert Rodriguez’s penchant for a candy palate.
            Parents, pay attention: as much as you may hate it, this film, with its non-stop action and bubbly shallow pizzazz is directly expressing your 8-year-old child’s fantasies. This is a fantasy of every videogame-playing youth (I know). They want to be a colorful video-game character ex-spy. They want to see a 3-D film for a summer sequel. When I walked out into the light, rubbing my eyes, I had the gentle summer wash of my youth return. My adult self had an o.k. time, but looks forward to the next film for that inner little boy.

Seabiscuit

Film review by: Witney Seibold

            When people refer to Hollywood sentimentality or schmaltz, they’re talking about films like “Seabiscuit.” It’s a wonder that director Gary Ross can go from an astute and intelligent film that challenged American ideals like “Pleasantville,” and then produce something so full of cheap tear-jerking moments and enough sweetness to induce cavities like “Seabiscuit.” The film isn’t terrible; in fact it’s nicely well-rounded, and even a little charming. It’s just painfully, painfully typical. And really, really syrupy.
            The film opens in 1860s Manhattan where Bill the Butcher holds sway over the Five Points using fear. Oh, wait. That’s “Gangs of New York.” It actually opens in Manhattan during the season of plenty right before the Crash of ’29. We meet, in their respective homes across the country: Charles Howard (Jeff Bridges) who has just made a bundle on his steam autos, but proceeds to lose a son, and get a divorce. We meet “Red” Pollard (Tobey Maguire), a smart young man abandoned by his parents at 16, who grows into a piss ‘n’ vinegar fighter. And we meet Tom Smith (Chris Cooper, great as always), the mountain hippie who understands horses. Eventually the three meet. And, of course, we meet Seabiscuit (a horse) who is a small, lazy, and angry animal at first, but, with the right training, treatment, and focus, becomes the underdog that Depression-era audiences climbed trees to see.
            Words like “sappy” kept springing to mind while I was watching “Seabiscuit.” We get the requisite sport-movie clichés: here the jockey is injured. Here we learn from the horse that life is grand. Here we see the longshot beat the tried-and-true champ. I usually enjoy being manipulated by a film, but not in this way. The saccharine flavor is mildly masked by lush photography, and some rather nice acting, but it’s not entirely covered up. Like I said, a little charming, but covered with sweet goo.
            Seabiscuit was indeed an icon back in the ‘30s, and, like most entertainment at the time, was able to simultaneously distract people from their respective plights, and remind them that often the underdog can win. Perhaps Laura Hillenbrand’s book tells the story without the sappy music.

Garage Days
Film review by: Witney Seibold

            Australian director Alex Proyas is best known in this country (as of 2003) for his two surreal and nightmarishly beautiful science fiction films “The Crow” and “Dark City,” and while he’s expressed in interviews that he wants to sidle away from genre films, it’s still something of a shock to see him helming a film as bright, as energetic, and with such an ordinary story as “Garage Days.”
            The film follows Freddy (Kick Gurry) and his band as they try their darndest to become rock stars. It’s a usual motley gang: the angry bassist (the adorable Pia Miranda), the insanely horny drummer (Chris Sadrinna), the melancholy guitarist (Brett Stiller), the big fat lump of a manager (a great Russell Dykstra), the love interest (Maya Stange), and Freddy himself, the frontman, who is equal parts ambitious and clueless. Along the path to fame are the blocks of: a love triangle, relationship trials, the encroaching casinos, a bitter record exec full of promises and menace (Marton Csokas), acid trips, mental illness, and, overall, a general lack of talent.
            There are a few nice touches to the film, as: we don’t actually hear the band play until the big finale, and while the myriad edits and music-video montages were kind of distracting, and even, at times, assaulting, I did end up understanding (if not always appreciating) the film’s style; there was a brilliant LSD trip involving an unexpected and enthusiastic dance number to Rick James’ “Super Freak.” We also, at one point, witness, in print, the f-work flying freely out over the city. Also, Proyas set the film sort of outside of time and place. It’s said that it’s present-day Sydney, but the buildings are all imaginary places (indeed when we see the only recognizable monument, the Opera House, the drug-addled characters are laughing at it), and the characters could be musicians anywhere from 1968-1990.
            But for all its energy and style, the film is kind of… well, dull. You can tell a lot of love went into this project, but it never lifts itself into any new territory. Proyas needs to bring back the originality and beauty of “Dark City.”

Dirty Pretty Things
Film review by: Witney Seibold

            Stephen Frears has given us a mixed bag over the years. He’s directed great films like “The Grifters,” and the working-class slacker romance “High Fidelity.” He’s also the one behind the off-and-on Peckinpah completion “The Hi-Lo Country,” and the infamous flop of “Mary Reilly.” With his newest film, however, “Dirty Pretty Things,” Frears has made one of his best films to date. He abandons the “cuteness” evident in many of his urban dramas, and gives a harsh, yet rather honest tale of the immigrant experience.
            Okwe (Chiwetel Ejiofor) drives a cab by day, and works reception in a posh hotel by night. He chews herbs to keep him awake, and pretends to sleep on a friends couch every night. His friend is Turkish expat Senay (the doe-eyed Audrey Tautou, wonderfully whiny). He never reveals his past to anyone, and is hoping to squeak by in the background, doing the best job he can, hiding his past as a doctor, and occasionally helping friends (he is able to lift some amoxicillin to help his syphilitic cabbie boss). When he finds a human heart clogging the toilet in the hotel, he is taken into a plot of his smarmy and ethics-optional hotel boss (Sergi López, in one of the best performances I’ve seen this year) to harvest organs in exchange for passports and money.
            It feels almost like a film by Fassbinder, a master of adult and painful human interaction. When the film focuses on its “thriller” aspects of an organ trafficking ring, it feels a little pat. It’s when we see Okwe struggling with doing the right thing and asking important ethical questions (is it o.k. to violate your own ethics if it will help you and those close to you?) that it soars. The colors are alternately muted and bright, and the events unfold in a bizarre way that feels partly like another planet (a human heart in a toilet?), and partly utterly familiar.
            We are also given a harsh look at the modern immigrant experience. Always on the edge, always in danger of being arrested and/or deported. Illegals in England are not allowed to have a job, so the simple task of going to work becomes a Herculean act of courage, and only occasionally leads to having to trade sexual favors. We feel their struggle. When love begins to enter the picture (between Okwe and Senay), it feels wonderful, but also dangerous. The film is maudlin to be sure, but is brought up by the performances, notably of Ejiofor, López, and the lively supporting characters: a prostitute (Sophie Okonedo), and a coroner (Benedict Wong). It’s a film close to being one of the best of the year.