B-Horror
B Horror
By: Witney Seibold
(apologies to Edgar Allen Poe)
Lo, ‘tis a gala night
Within my lonesome teenage years. Read more »
The Best Films of 2007
The Best Films of 2007
Film essay by: Witney Seibold
More than any other year, I have had trouble narrowing this list down. 2007, it has been said by countless critics, was a banner year for American filmmaking. To add to my chellenge, for the first time, I’ve tried ranking the films. Don’t be thrown by the order too much, though; each of the films mentioned is a great film in its own right.
The Best Films of 2006
The Best Films of 2006
An article by: Witney Seibold
I know it’s already February, this list usually due out at the beginning of January sometime, but thanks to a particularly backended year, it’s been tough to see all of the potential great films. I’m actually lucky that I did, as there were some real gems right up at the end there.
The Best Films of 2005
The Best Films of 2005
Film article by: Witney Seibold
Once again, it’s time for the best part of my job as a film critic: the year-end list. My chance to scour the vast pool of films I saw (I think I saw nearly 200 this year; yipes), and let people know which ones made my life worth living and kept me coming back to the movies. It did take a number of these to offset the terror that was “Son of the Mask:”
Subtitle Poetry
Subtitle Poetry
A found poem by: Witney Seibold’s DVD player
My DVD player has a glitch. I think it may be trying to tell me something.
Why you should not see “Transformers.”
Transformers: The Case Against
An essay by: Witney Seibold
“I miss you more than Michael
Bay missed the mark,
When he made ‘Pearl Harbor.’
I miss you more than that movie missed the point,
And that’s an awful lot…
Why does Michael Bay get to keep on making movies?
I guess ‘Pearl Harbor’ sucked
Just a little bit more than I miss you.”
-Lyrics from “Team America: World Police” “If you stop going to bad movies, they’ll stop making bad movies.”
-Jay Sherman Read more »
About the author.
When Witney Seibold was about 10 years old, he got in trouble for spitting on a new car. Witney wants his teachers and classmates to know that he was not a mean-spirited or unhappy child, and only did this to make his fellow classmates laugh. His classmates were, you see all merely pretending to spit on the line of new cars they were walking by, and Witney thought he could do them one better by actually doing it.
When thinking back on it, he realizes that some poor schmo working at the new car lot would have had to clean his spit off of the car. He apologizes to his classmates (who probably were more shocked than amused), his teacher (who was certainly not at all amused), and especially the unseen car lot attendant, armed with the Windex and paper towels, who was probably cursing his job as he had to lean over and touch a stranger’s saliva. I’m very sorry.
